Thursday, May 15, 2008
This meme was thrust upon me from Lyn Francisco at the Organ-ic Chemist Blog. She prefaced the following questions with a query as to whether I was self-aware of my "strange duck" persona?
1. Put yourself in Ahhh-nold's place. What would be the next great piece of legislation you would introduce to the State Legislature?
Upon and after secession from the U.S., I would then mandate, ahem, through legislation und za brute force off my biceps, the nationalization of all corporations whose interests directly affect the energy, information, environmental, transportation, medical, scientific and educational infrastructures of the state. I vood zen renegotiate all trade contracts mit za U.S. and all uhzer economeese und guvuhnmentz for za vellfayuh off mein fellow Kahlifahnians or Eurekians.
2. What would be your ideal gig?
Being a successful busker in both Glasgow and Edinburgh.
3. You are commissioned by Pope Benedict XVI to compose a new Mass that would reflect the new English translation, that would be debuted in Rome. What would you present?
I would just retrofit the already butchered ICEL revision into the so-called "St. Louis Jesuit Mass Setting" inwhich I would set in retrograde and inversion backwards, as if viewed in a mirror. So, the end of the Agnus Dei (Lamb of God) would be the beginning of the Kyrie eleison (Lord, have mercy.) That would represent a true reflection of any English translation, one would think.
Failing that, I'd set the new text revisions to the best hits of Frank Sinatra. Like "Glory on high and on earth lotsa peace" using "I've got you under my skin." Kind of like "L'homme arme" parody type of deal. Imagine the "Lamb of God" to "When I was seventeen, it was a very good year." And so forth.
4. Okay. Back to California. If California were to fall into the sea tomorrow, and if God commissioned you to escape in an ark, who and what would you take with you?
It's not a matter of if, Lyn, but a matter of when. But if God commissioned me, I'd first want to know the value of the commission in Euros, and keep pressing for points and bonuses for exotic species and celebrities and the like. God would easily tire of me, let Wendy take the gig and I'd get swallowed by a great white or tangled in the seaweeds off Monterey, and hopefully wake up in Purgatory. But if pressed into service (yeah, like I AM's gonna let me off the hook) I'd take Wendy, my kids, grandkids, Helen Mirren and Charlize Theron, you and Jason Pennington, my cat Plunkett and Wendy's cat Butterfly, the foremost genetic scientist who could clone the cats in perpetuity, Russell Crowe and Kevin Spacey as escorts and dinner companions to Helen and Charlize, one of my carbon fiber guitars as they float and are impenatrible to sharp objects such as swordfish, knives and bullets, all the estate bottled and reserved wines from the Napa Valley/Central Coast regions, happy cows who'll magically produce whatever frommage compliments the bottle brought up from the galley, a Bible with serious commentary, a GPS (that no one on board would have the foggiest idea how to use, but the satellites would still be "up there"), a Me n Ed's pizza parlor where all the staff made twice union wage, and took pride in their crusts, a baker who knows bruschetta, and the Dale Warland Singers, sans Dale Warland 'cause I want to conduct them. That's pretty much it.
5. If California were to secede from the U.S., would you follow, or would you staunchly stick with the U.S.?
Are you kidding me? We have Magic Mountain, Fisherman's Wharf, the Golden Gate, Yosemite, Graumann's Chinese Theatre, Pinks, Clint Eastwood, aforementioned wineries, cool cars everywhere, lots of prisons for people who torque me and Arnold off, a few pristine beaches and coastlines left, great forests and ranges, and Nordstroms.
Stick with the U.S.? I'm real cozy with the IRS, the federal judicial system, the ATF and the two party system of electoral politics. What happened to the Whigs, the Know-nothings and the Bull Mooses anyway? Nope, I figure we can run the new republic of Eurekaland just like Fox and American Idol. We can dial everything in. I would, however, deport anyone who imports, prepares or consumes sushi to Nevada, Arizona or New Mexico with one way visas.
Now, I would pass onto the following mandate from Lyn to these folks: Tyler from RPInet, Jeffrey Tucker from Musica Sacra, Todd from Catholic Sensibility, and the Carolina Cannonball from The Crescat. Go to "Organ-ic Chemist" blog, follow the rules, comment here if you want and I'll dream up your five questions and forward them to you.